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Inside Xy...
You're already in there, I'll be wearing your tattoo
compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences 
5th-Oct-2015 07:06 pm
664 mud flap girl
I've been through a lot of things in my life. Things that are amazing and those that are unspeakable. I've been beaten down and broken. But, I was able to bring my head back above water before it sucked me in. Sometimes I still wonder how I survived.

Lately, I've seen and felt things I never wanted to believe I could. Again. Feelings of surprise and hurt. Regret for trusting like I thought I should trust. How could I be so naive? To introduce a person in to the lives of those I love only for them to end up being exactly like the demons that tried so hard to drown me before.

And now, my brother is broken. And I wish so badly that I can save him. But the other night, I'm not sure he even heard me. And my heart hurts so much. To see him that sad. That defeated.

Dear God, Livejournal may not be the best way to you, but I just wanted to say that he is worth it. My brother is worth it. He deserves the world. Please help him see that. Please help him find a way to be strong. Help him follow through. This is the worst kind of addiction; abusive & toxic. You were there for me when I didn't even believe you knew who I was. I'm praying for the same for him.

Always,
Cty
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