For Christmas this year, we took H+h to the city. The city we almost called home. The city from which we named our first born. The city that has a penthouse apartment in our hearts (because ... well, that's the only way to afford one of those hah) .
Hudson planned a few aspects of our trip. Of course he wanted to go to a toy store, a candy store and some playgrounds ... but ultimately, he was the most fascinated by the twin towers.
Being one of the most tragic and emotional events in our lifetime, we shared the stories, appropriate YouTube clips and movies with our 6 year old. He is an old soul with a lot of empathy + he loves history. This sweet boy brought flowers to honor the victims while taking it all in.
It is all happening so fast. Everyone tells you it will, but how can you begin to image what that is like until you realize that you've already gone over the side of the mountain after a 2nd gear right-hand hairpin turn and your pedal drops to the floor?
Today my first born stood on a stage with his peers and received 5 awards; the Principle's award, Superior Academic Performance, Good Attendance, Citizenship & Panda Spirit Award. Every time I took a breath in, my eyes filled with tears. My little boy. Mine. He's a rising 1st grader!
Slow down, Time.
Hudson, Properly torque your lug nuts, check your levels, invest in the things that keep you on the ground and in the turn, and always trust your gut. I want to see you at the top of that mountain, while I'm riding shotgun the whole way. You are my heart. You are growing up so fast and I am so proud of you. You have accomplished so much in your short (almost) 6 years on Earth. I love you, Mommy
9 years ago today I was in my first tornado. It trolled through downtown Atlanta tapping skyscrapers and sports venues, uprooted headstones and 100+ year old oaks in Oakland and caused serious damage in Cabbagetown. Just the dogs and I at the loft and without warning. A few days later Spence took me up in a helicopter for an overhead view. Our displacement wasn't as long as others, but this still blows me away...
At first I only wanted to move all the digital files, the traces of the beginning and the pieces of the middle, to a home all it's own. As time continued to pass and the storm raged on, I would visit occasionally. I would daydream with Hindsight, reminisce with Sorrow and run from Heartbreak.
But today I quit.
After all the sadness, madness and tears, I finally quit. I am here, waving my white flag on my life. Gathering up my support system and hugging them all so dearly as if to regulate my heart from beating out of my chest.
Where you took me, I will never forget. There is no ESC or DEL from what you are capable of. For what I saw you execute. How you took your rage and your sadness and you crossed a line that was never yours. There was no peace in my soul after seeing the lies unfold on the screen. There was no place to hide from the Hate that spewed from your very being.
It doesn’t take a lot of strength to hang on. That's easy. That's why I turned my head so many times. It takes a lot of strength to let go. And here I am, letting you go. Forgiving you. Giving myself Closure.
I hope that you find yourself out there. I hope that you don't let the monsters win.
"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." Wayne Dyer
On any normal Monday, I'd say that the weather was sub par, the traffic was worse than normal and it might really just be manic ... but today is a birthday. A day that I'm thankful for. Without our hilarious start of friendship, the several moments we've taken care of each other when we were breaking down, teaching & loving my son, being there for the discovery & birth of my daughter, the things we've shouted to protect each other and our future alpaca plans, I would certainly be missing out on a big part of my life.
To you, my friend of friends, I wish you a happy birthday. I'm so thankful you're in my life.
For me, it has been about the people. The people and a certain W29 1994 Stealth R/T TT that stole my heart when I was 20 years old. But, back to the people. The people who kept me in the game, the people who loved me for Me and the people who stayed in my life waaayyy past our 90s supercars.
From my 20s came two individuals with which I will never see myself living without. #tink to best friends, to year to come, to discovering who we are together, to remembering where we came from and to forever.
In the past 4 months I have done something right in my relationship to deserve not just one, but two little blue boxes in my life. The first is an amethyst so that I may brag on my 2nd born with her birthstone as much as my heart desires. The second, a diamond wedding band to replace my knife edge one. My heart is full today.
To my Soul Mate and my children's father, thank you. Thank you for making me feel loved even when diamonds are not involved. Thank you for being You and for loving me any way I am. I would not be me without You. I love you because I know no other way.
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
There's a lot of hope that goes in to having a child. Love mostly, lots of ideas and plans. This tiny being. So tiny and so innocent. Sleeping before me, trusting me with her life. I hold her, lay her head gently, laugh with her, play with her, think about her, long for her ... and those eyes... oh, those eyes. They tell a tale that I wish so fondly to read. Her life is deeper than she's given credit. It means so much. Those eyes will experience life in a way that I never will. My only wish is that I'm standing next to her when it happens. That I'm teaching her in the best ways and that I'm wholly involved. This little light of mine, she's sure got a hold of my heart. Never have I ever thought that this would happen. Drink.
Madison Riley. A miracle in her own and an infant that encompasses all that her parents are. A child that has a best friend brewing and an older "brother" ready to fight against the world for her. While she was born a daddy's girl, she will forever hold her mommy's heart in her hands.
I think Rob's recent Facebook post said it best; It is an inexplicably strange thing to fall in love with a machine. The things I went through with her will never be forgotten. And as this chapter of my life is closing, whether I'm ready or not, all I can do is remember to breathe.
when you dream with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part...
Last summer, at the lake, I lost my wedding band. We scoured the yard, the dock, my things and came up short handed. The kids looked well after we left and still nothing. It broke my heart to lose it and not recover it. I loved every minute of our wedding and the memories that we made that day. Not to mention what it meant beyond that.
This past weekend, while at the beach and bandless, Matt surprised me with a replacement and a freshley polished and cleaned engagement ring. He stumbled across his words, but it was the sweetest thing. He said he was nervous the whole day.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't fall in love with him more.
"2 balls & a bat; GO Braves!" That is how we were greeted by our midwife yesterday when she saw that we found out we were having a boy! lol! Matt, mom & I could not stop laughing!
Yesterday's ultrasound proved that the little guy is healthy, growing like he should, developing like he should & all around a very healthy baby! YAY! Awesome news :)
We did, however, get Matt's antigen test results back last week & they were positive. Wonder of wonders that Matt would have the anti-M antigen to my anti-M antibodies (which is in no way a deterrent to our soul mate status, just a speed bump to keep life... well, life).
Although Matt's was positive, my last blood draw came back negative (to counter my previous positive test). This is good news, but doesn't put us completely in the clear. It just means that there were too few to see on a slide, but my values could always change. Current status? Keep an eye on the antibodies. Baby? He sailed through with flying colors and isn't being affected (his blood flow is normal)!
Got a call today from the doctor & blood results came back normal for spinal bifida!!! They also retested my antibody panel & those results came back normal, whereas the first panel came back positive for the M-antibody.
We are still waiting on Matt's results to be able to 100% rule out an antibody attack, but today's negative results for me have given me positive thoughts about it all!
When 2 girls that have several things in common [namely photography] get together for the weekend, they come up with Project M6.
Project M6 is a collaborative and creative side project between Melis J Photography and sixsixfour photography. Playing Nikon off Nikon, we shoot for fun and learn from eachothers' photographic experience while bouncing ideas off the lense.